Interview: Pustulus Maximus (GWAR)

We’re not worthy, but for some reason, GWAR guitarist Pustulus Maximus deemed Asheville Stages a good enough receptacle for his words prior to the intergalactic Lords and Masters’ return to The Orange Peel on Tuesday, Sept. 13.

Edwin Arnaudin: Thank you for subjecting yourself to yet another human interview.

Pustulus Maximus: OK. Yeah. The pleasure is all yours, I’m sure.

EA: Definitely. I mean, we are the worst.

PM: Humans are the worst? Oh yeah. We acknowledge it every day. Just your selection of presidents over the last couple years and how you damage the environment that you live in — it's all cool. It doesn't affect us.

EA: Absolutely. You’re way above that. And yet you’ll grace us with your presence by returning to The Orange Peel in a few weeks. What comes to mind when you think of Asheville?

PM: Wandering, crusty hippies that try and play guitar in the city; nice hotels; actually good food; Moog — Moog synthesizers comes to mind. You know, Asheville is actually a delightful place for us. For me in particular — I get to hide in the mountains, get some crystal meth. But yeah, I definitely like being away from people, and Asheville is a good place for that. You can hide — just all kinds of hills to get away from it all.

EA: And when you make your presence known, it’s at The Peel. Why do you keep returning there instead of conquering other Asheville venues?

PM: That's a good question. I have no idea why. I think it boils down to a lot of venues are scared we're gonna destroy it. And I can't tell you how many places we play where you come in and there's crews covering everything in plastic. They're covering behind us in plastic; they're covering each piece of gear they have. And we're looking at them like, "You know, we use this same equipment every night. It's not waterproof." [laughs] We always try to spray blood on humans. As much as I love damaging equipment, I don't have the money to replace it. So, we have no problem returning to The Orange Peel every time. The venue treats us very well.

EA: Excellent. Well, as you surely know, more and more artists have moved here in recent years. Have you been tempted to relocate to Asheville?

PM: Perhaps, but as far as like a hard rock scene or rock and roll in general, the only band that even comes to mind from Asheville would be the Crank County Daredevils. And I don't even think they’ve played for years. I don't travel as much as I'd like to, but that is one of my favorite bands from that area. They kind of seem to stick out because every everywhere else I go, it's kinda like weird hippie jam stuff.

But I used to frequent the the great Mothlight, which is that club over there. I guess that's not around anymore since COVID, huh?

EA: Sadly, no. They were the best, but the owners were looking to step back and then they couldn’t get steady business with the pandemic.

PM: Shit, in a former life, I played a show in one of the record stores down there. I think was Static Age or something.

EA: Oh, they’re still here. They’re thriving. Better than ever. A lot of the Mothlight regulars went over there.

PM: Awesome.

EA: Also, if you’re looking for more collaboration beers like you did with Devil’s Backbone, we’ll have plenty of those opportunities here. So many breweries…

PM: I think we'd be open to something like that in the future, for sure. We’re still hammering things out with Devil's Backbone, and so far, so good. We've been excited about the beer and, of course, distribution is always one of our biggest challenges. Because who's gonna put out all the toxic waste that we put out on their shelves? And you have to lie and say that it's safe for you and all that stuff — which, you know, it causes all kind of diseases and cancer.

I probably shouldn't be saying this, but it's, it's not — actually, I take it all back. It's not poison. It's good for you. it's just like drinking a glass of wine a day. It's great for your heart.

EA: Doctor recommended.

PM: Doctor recommended — by Dr. Michael Bishop [alter ego of GWAR bassist Blothar].

EA: We talked about how COVID has affected humans, but how have you fared during the pandemic?

PM: Not too bad. It seems like the recent bouts of COVID aren't killing as many people, which is fine because it gives us more excuses to kill people ourselves. And productivity is returning, maybe not to normal levels, but at least better than it was. The biggest thing is just dealing with all the protocols. Even if you agree with them being in place, everyone can admit they're a pain in the ass. Every last little bit of it.

But I feel pretty confident that I'm not going to have any problems with it. I fucked somebody who had COVID, and I didn't feel bad about it. And I usually feel terrible after I fuck anybody, just because of how much I had to pay or how much lower they were on the social status totem pole.

EA: Right, right. And returning to the stage after some time away, are people more or less enthusiastic about being sprayed with bodily fluids than before the pandemic?

PM: Oh, they love it. They love it. Nobody can do what GWAR does, and I think since we are the ones who do this for everybody, it’s kind of a no-brainer. You get a once-in-a-lifetime…it is a once-in-a-lifetime chance, because if you go to see GWAR, that’s the end of your life. You have to witness it once before you die. There are many great shows out there — Alice Cooper, Rammstein. There's no shortage of great entertainment, but there's only one that will cover you in cum.

EA: No doubt. But after we give our lives, we have our own washing habits and whatnot, but what about you guys? What’s involved in your laundry and cleaning routines between shows? Or is cleanliness the true enemy?

PM: Nah, we never do any laundry. We just stay gross all the time.

EA: Excellent.

PM: It’s like a badge of honor. It's pretty disgusting, but you gotta keep it real, you know?You gotta keep that punk rock status or scene credit.

EA: Right. You’ve got a reputation to uphold.

PM: Yeah! Cleanliness might be next to godliness, but we’re already gods — in a sense, so it’s not something we need to keep throwing in everyone’s face.

EA: Well, along with being the human representative for this interview, I’ve been tasked with sharing an official invitation from Marc [McCloud], the owner of Orbit DVD, to visit his store.

PM: When is this?? A DVD store???

EA: Oh yes. They’re doing quite well. It’s the epicenter of scum in West Asheville.

PM: [laughs] Beautiful.

EA: Anyway, he hopes you’ll honor him with your presence.

PM: And where is this? West Asheville?

EA: Yeah. Haywood Road — right in the middle.

PM: Oh, Haywood! So I could probably walk there. Very nice — maybe we’ll do that.

EA: And speaking of movies, what are your thoughts on the This is GWAR documentary?

PM: All lies. Every last bit of it. No truth at all. It’s full of humans who claim that they’re doing what we’re doing, and it’s all a mistake. We’re planetary conquerors, banished from The Master’s army —soldiers, blood-thirsty savages. That’s us — space travelers; immigrants. But the This Is GWAR documentary is more or less telling the tale of the trials and tribulations of humans that have put their hearts and souls toward working for us, which…this will consume your entire life. There’s no joke about that. You give your life to GWAR, literally and figuratively.

EA: Are there things you wish the filmmakers would have done differently?

PM: Put more of me in it! Oh yeah. But it is what it is. The arc and power struggle between Hunter Jackson and Dave Brockie is really important to old-school GWAR fans, but as interesting as it is, I think that in any kind of band, you really shouldn't go so far fucking deep into the inner-politics. Once you start seeing what really goes on behind the curtain…it doesn't really ruin shit for me, but, you know, enjoy the art. That's what it's for. When you watch a nice cartoon show, enjoy the cartoon show. Don't be so concerned about the lives and loves of all the animators and the office clerk. Because everyone's got shit going on in their lives. And that's just what makes you all human.

EA: Agreed. Also, I wanted to know what plans you have to compete with Cobra Cabana for band-related food supremacy in Richmond and crush them forever?

PM: Arson, mainly.

EA: Yeah, that’ll do it.

PM: But, you know, GWAR has done stuff with [Greenville, NC-based metal band] Valient Thorr, and one of the main owners of Cobra Cabana is from that band — the singer, Herbie [Abernethy]. So, we’re all friends here. Fortunately, there are enough alcoholics in the city of Richmond to patronize all of these places. Richmond, Virginia, has centered itself on alcohol abuse, in a very unhealthy way — which is great if you’re going into the bar and restaurant business.

My favorite part is all the people that speak about the Richmond music scene being alive and vibrant — which is very true, but they won’t get their head out of their ass and actually do anything because they’re drunk all the time. So you’ll just have to settle for [Municipal] Waste, Lamb of God, and GWAR. [laughs] Those are the only ones that come out of this city.

That’s not entirely true. There are some up-and-comers here — Windhand and Inter Arma — that have been making some headway. But I don't really see any bands hitting that type of level anytime soon, unfortunately. That’s just my opinion.

EA: And lastly, what are your goals for the rest of 2022?

PM: Just trying to make some scratch. We’ve got seven weeks of touring coming up and we'll be traveling across the country. We just came back from dominating Europe and that went pretty well — we were happy about the turnout. Now I just get to be miserable again throughout the United States for the next two months.

EA: Well, thank you again for lowering yourself for this interview, and I look forward to seeing you in a few weeks and it being my last show ever.

PM: Great! I’ll see you at Orbit DVD.

IF YOU GO

Who: GWAR with Crobot + Nekrogoblikon
When: Tuesday, Sept. 13, 7 p.m.
Where: The Orange Peel, 101 Biltmore Ave., theorangepeel.net
Tickets: $32 advance/$35 day of show

(Photo courtesy of Pit Records)